Questionable Moral Fiber

Felix’s brother and I are waiting at the airport to receive some foreign hotshots.  The plane is an hour late, so I have a rare opportunity to engage one of Thailand’s mightiest business honchos in light conversation.  We talk about terrorism and housing bubbles.  Eventually the topic turns towards philandering.

“I have a theory about why men are more inclined to cheat than women,” I say.

“Let’s hear it.”

“If you believe in evolution, then you believe that we are programmed to sow our genes as widely as possible.”

“OK,” Jeff assents.

“Faithful man: one baby.  Unfaithful man: many babies.  Faithful woman: one baby.  Unfaithful woman: Still one baby, but minus the protection of a husband.”

Jeff mulls over this gross oversimplification of love for a bit, then laughs.

“I have a theory too,” he states.

“Let’s hear it.”

He draws a graph with a single bell curve.

“Do you know what this is?”

He marks the x-axis with two ticks.  “Good” at the far end.  “Evil” at the origin.

“This is what most people think human morality looks like.  Martyrs on one side.  Murderers on the other.  Most people fall somewhere in between.”

“Seems to makes sense,” I concur.

‘Well, I think this model is entirely inaccurate.’

He draws a new graph.  One little spike over Good.  One big spike over Evil.  Flatline in the middle.

“You can give to charity and give up your seat for little old ladies,” he says, pen hovering over the Good Spike.

“Or you can have a red-hot temper and a penchant for theft,” he says, migrating to the other side.

“But when true crisis knocks, none of that matters.  The courageous may suddenly tremble and cower.  The deadbeat who usually lives faint as a whisper may suddenly ignite, possessed by the hero instinct.  On a very deep level, underneath behavior guided by society’s hand, underneath your own self-perception, you are either fundamentally selfish or you are not.  There is no middle ground.  You will never know where you stand until you are tested.”

The Evil Spike looms over the Good.  So many souls who want to believe they are morally outstanding.  So many lives a petty endeavor of self-preservation.